In four years of high school and another five of college, I never set foot once inside a biology classroom. All these years later, that remains a huge point of pride for me. Right along with the fact I didn’t take a single math class in college either. Had I taken math, I would have probably had some cursory knowledge of statistics. Such knowledge would have come in handy a month ago when I took the GMAT test. Alas. I’ll make a much better chronicler of strip clubs than I would a CEO anyway.
Why am I telling you this?
Well it doesn’t take a biology major to know each of us has a”type” and sometimes when we see someone who’s our type, we’ll go to the ends of the Earth to be with that person. It’s not a stalking thing. It’s a biology thing. It’s how even the fuggliest girl at school can pro-create. Even Janet, the fuggliest girl in my school, has found love.
I’ve been monkeying with this MySpace thing now for a few weeks. If you’re interested, by the way, you can be my friend here. I’ve tried to add as many clubs as I can, as well as a few people who can help me gain a wider audience. It’s all about the networking, don’t you know. Anyway, I added Oregon Erotic as one of my friends last week. They published a bulletin a few days back announcing their November cover girl. And that picture whacked me right between the eyes. Victoria. Oh Victoria. The hair. The eyes. Oh my. I had to go see her.
I’ve probably driven by Pallas hundreds of times on my way to see friends out toward Gresham. It’s out at 136th and Powell, right in the heart of Methville. There’s a bar right across the street called “The Double Dribble” which used to advertise topless bartenders. A jack shack lingerie modeling studio is next door. Pallas has always seemed a cut above those two places. It’s a stand-alone building that’s well-lit. And the sign seems more Vegas than Portland. At least that’s always been my impression. That said, you have to want to go to Pallas. There are tons of other places that are more convenient and probably feature better girls. But none of them are Victoria.
I parked next to the door and walked in. I was immediately greeted by the bouncer and a girl. She could have been a friend. She could have been an employee. I’m still not 100% on who she was. Anyway, I stopped at the desk, looked the guy in the eye and asked if he needed my ID or any money. Despite my age, I’m finding I’m getting carded more and more around town. The OLCC is probably cracking down somehow and that’s got clubs thinking zero-tolerance. It’s not a big deal, I suppose. Just a curiosity. The bouncer smiled and said “nope, don’t need any of that. I’ll shake your hand though. He reached out and we shook.
I don’t go out on a lot of Sunday nights, so I’m not sure whether they’re that busy or not. Pallas definitely wasn’t. They were only running one of the three stages. There was no one at the rail. Just a girl twirling around the pole by her lonesome. I wandered over to the bar where another girl was chatting up a customer as they tried to figure out what they’d like to drink. The bartender was patient and finally poured a beer and a shot for each. She finally got to me and I ordered my standard Coors Light. $3.25. Score!
As she went to get my bottle, I turned around to see who was on stage now. The new girl was a shorter one with long red hair and a single admirer. She had the top of her dress pulled down and was showing off for the guy. After a few seconds of conversation, he stood up, turned around and lifted his shirt to show her his tattoo. Classy. It was a full-back piece which, from across the room, looked complete. He sat back down and they continued their session. I headed to the video poker machines and wondered where Victoria was.
In my younger days, I was a huge fan of Jacks or Better, but now I prefer the Deuces Wild. Either way, the key to video poker is the double-up. When you win a hand, you immediately head to this bonus screen where you can double your winnings by either picking a high card or rolling dice or some such. Sometimes I can win a buck or two if I play long enough. Lately I can’t win anything. Such was my luck at Pallas.
As the night went on, it was becoming increasingly clear that Victoria wasn’t working. I decided to head toward the stage anyway. After all, I’m here for you, dear reader. And how are you gonna know the talent level if I don’t experience it first hand. So I parked it and started feeding singles to the girl on stage. She was quite nice. Another girl came up. She’d pretty obviously had a kid recently. She didn’t do anything for me.
I was getting ready to call it a night when the DJ said something that sounded an awful lot like Victoria. I turned around and there she was. Looking at her, it finally dawned on me what the connection was. She reminded me of a girl I dated in high school. And for the next two songs, I had her all to myself.
She came out in standard issue stripper shoes and the same outfit she wore in the Oregon Erotic shoot. As she made her first circle around the pole, she kicked the board of the stage to get my attention. Actually she already had mine. Maybe she was trying to announce herself to the rest of the room. They were too busy though playing pool and poker. Oh well. I placed my singles up on the rail and proceeded to enjoy the show. She came over and whispered a few things in my ear. I can’t remember a one of them. I just remember enjoying her scent and her breasts. She pushed me back into my chair and kneeled on the rail. We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I’m telling you, it was like high school all over again. I waited for her to ask me for a dance. She could have had every last dollar in my wallet if she’d just asked. But she didn’t.
About halfway through the second song, a friend of hers showed up and they got to talking. Turns out I was nice and all, but the friend was who she was really interested in. *sigh* Beaten out again. This time by a girl!
After the song ended, Lexi made her way to the stage. As Victoria stepped down, Lexi went in for a kiss. Was it supposed to turn me on? It sure didn’t seem to do much for Victoria. Eh.
After Lexi, the girls rotated back to the top. My Coors Light was about done, so I headed for the door. Still shocked at how things went down with Victoria. I’ll be back though. Armed with $20s and a dream. I’ll get that dance.