I did want to talk briefly about something that really stuck with me though.  Well, something besides the lovely Scarlett, my future ex-wife.  There was a younger blonde in there.  She was maybe 21 or 22.  Anyway, she was the first girl I saw.  Beautiful and built.  She came down to give me a close-up several times during her set, her breasts right in my face.

“I love my breasts,” she told me as she brushed them against my cheek.

I threw a few more dollars her way to show my appreciation, and like that she was off the stage.

When her turn came back around, I made sure to sit front and center.  Sometimes dancers are like rides at amusement parks.  When you find one you like, you keep going back for more.  So it was with this one.  Just so…perky.

It was her third set when I finally discovered the source of her giddiness.  After she removed her top, she reached up toward the ceiling and in the process revealed matching 4-inch scars in the crease under each of her breasts.  They looked pretty fresh.  No wonder she couldn’t get enough of them!

I wasn’t a big fan of the fake breasts until a co-worker let me feel her up several years ago.  We were having a discussion about flashing while we were driving around looking at apartments.  She mentioned she almost had hers paid off and I didn’t believe her.  It had never dawned on me that she had implants.  Until then, I hadn’t given it much thought.  But when  she took my hand and… well… it turned into a long lunch.  Funny how one experience like that can change your opinion.

I’ve had a few conversations with girls about implants.  They’re always discreet when I ask whether another girl has had surgery.  They don’t comment.  And good for them, I say.  I’ve no idea what percentage of dancers have them.  It’s probably higher than I suspect.  Do they improve the bottom line?  Do they pay for themselves?  When well done, not the Dolly Parton double-G’s, but a nice C or maybe D,  I bet they probably do.

Your thoughts?

I haven’t been back since the first night three months ago.  I’ve certainly meant to.  There’s still a comfort knowing the D1 is out there, but I’ve been in the mood to explore.  Tonight, I came home.

The parking lot is always deceptively full.  I’ve never figured it out.  Whether it’s jammed to the gills on a Saturday night or like tonight maybe half-full, I always expect to walk in and find a crowd.  Tonight I walked in to find a crew of guys working on the women’s bathroom.  At 9pm.  On a Wednesday.  Interesting hours, to say the least.  But they’ve done some very good things with the restrooms.  The old trough is gone in the men’s room.  Replaced by three wall-mounted urinals.  It’s also way better lit.  Could the guy handing out the mints be on his way back?  Either way, they’re putting some money into the place.  That’s a good thing.

We’re not here, of course, to discuss amenities.  We’re here to discuss… pardon the alliteration… we’re here to discuss her titties.  See what I did there?  Ah forget it.

The room was maybe a quarter full when I walked in and seemed to thin out over the next hour.  Two stages were in operation.  There were probably 10 or 12 girls working.  More than enough for me.

I sat down at the center stage in time to check out Mia.  She’s a tall blonde.  Well built.  Not a skinny one, by any means, but she’s definitely in shape.  She looked younger than 21, but I saw her walking around the bar area, so obviously she’s older.  No worries.  Her face and eyes were what got me.  We all have certain things that turn us on.  It’s different parts on different girls.  With Mia, it’s her face.

She gave me a good look at her breasts and a sweet smile.  Never did take her bottom off.  In some states that’s no big deal.  In Oregon that’s almost a cardinal sin.  But it was forgivable.  Her butt looked spectacular through her underwear.  She’s also a good flirt.  And was one of few who asked me for a couch dance.

Next up was Cody.  A compact little brunette with a butt.  Oh my her butt.  She shook it and thrust it every which way.  One of the other girls came over with two of her guy friends and hooted and hollered for her during her entire set.  I’m not into that, but whatever.  She put on a good show and made sure to pay attention to me.  Like Mia, she was rocking the ass antlers.  Are people still getting those?  Or has that passed?  I sure hope so.

Berlin gave me the show of the night and almost got into my wallet as a result.  She’s another brunette.  Taller and sturdier than Cody.  But oh my.  It started when she took her top off in front of me.  I’d leaned into the rail, beer off to one side.  Smiling.  She came over and put her chest right into my face.  My glasses were pressed back.  I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.  All I could smell was cigarette smoke and soap.  But the warmth.  Mmmmm….

She quickly figured out I was OK with whatever she wanted to do and wasn’t gonna go all hands on her, so when she came back around, she gave me the same show, this time with hair over my head and a full back scratch.  Oh man.  I’m all for that.   I was trying to put myself back together when she leaned over and asked if I was ready to get naughty.

Yes, please.

Only her version of naughty and mine are two separate things.  And speaking of naughty, remind me some day to tell you about Carnaval in downtown Portland.  You want to get naughty?  There’s where you get naughty.

Back to the task at hand.  As the first three girls worked the center stage, there was an interesting sideshow going on in back as two of the younger girls were in the back working on their pole skills.  No one was around or paying any attention to them.  They were just trying to figure out the x’s and o’s of the whole thing before they went on stage.  It was almost like watching the JV practice.  It was sort of hot.  That is until a manager appeared to shut them down after a while.

Britney, the girl who was hooting and hollering next to me came up after a little while.  To say she was popular is an understatement.  The stage had been pretty much empty most of the night.  But when she took the stage, it filled up quickly.  I almost felt sorry for the girl on the other stage.  Britney is a hot little number.  Tight and toned.  Short.  She had some spunk in her presentation.  She definitely looks like she should be in a magazine and she may well be on that road.  Her pole work was exquisite as was her floor work.  She didn’t have a ton of time for me because of the crowd, but she made me feel like the only guy on Earth for those few seconds.  Oh Britney.

The last girl of my night was Electra Blue.  I’d panned her the last time I was at the D1.  After watching her a little tonight, I think I may have to change my opinion.  Is it annoying to watch her act out songs?  Absolutely.  But oh my God is she a cutie.  Long curls framing an angel face.  No wonder she has those wings tattooed on her back.  And her pole work was excellent as well.  They all seem to be taking lessons from one another.  There’s a lot of artistry and posing and such in the pole work at the D1.  Whereas my girl Jewel at the D2 makes the whole pole thing an athletic event.  I’ll still take Jewel (again, personal taste) but the girls at the D1 are something else.  And Electra Blue was a pleasure to watch.  Next time I’m in, I’ll make sure and hit her up for a couch dance.  Oh my.

So that’s that.  Football kicks off tomorrow night.  Think I’ll go check out another place and see how pigskin and dancers mix.

The place made the switch from restaurant to adult entertainment sometime in the early 90s. I can’t remember when exactly it was. I do remember the first stage was literally a sheet of plywood laid right on top of the old buffet line. Such were the humble beginnings of The Dolphin.

Over the years there have been a couple of remodels. The bar has moved a time or two as have the couches. For a time there was an attendant in the mens room. He’s long gone. As is the poor Mexican woman trying to sell flowers table to table. Why in the heck would anyone think that’s a profitable venture? I’m not at the club for romance. I’m there to see naked babes.

Part of what makes it my favorite place is I know the rules. That’s kind of a harsh way to put it, but it is what it is. I know what’s expected of me and I know what’s expected of the girls. There’s no “buy me a $15 drink” crap. There’s also very little touching, except on the couch. We’ll get to that in a bit. My point is, whenever I go anywhere else, I have to spend the first 10 or 20 minutes trying to figure out the ground rules. Is there a cover? A two-drink minimum? What can the girls do? What can I do? At the Dolphin, I figured this out long ago. So I can just go in and have a good time.

Turns out Memorial Day weekend isn’t the primest of times at the Dolphin. I got there about 10 on Saturday night, after the Lidell fight. A few years ago, they instituted a $5 cover on Fridays and Saturdays. I don’t have any complaints about that. The club is in business to make money and $5 is more than reasonable for the entertainment within. As is their semi-enforced two-drink minimum. I say semi-enforced because as long as you have something in your hand, they generally leave you alone. It’s when you don’t have a drink, they get upset. Again, that’s fine.

The waitresses are hit-and-miss. I was thrown out one night many moons ago for arguing with a waitress about change. She didn’t have any $1’s with her and started copping an attitude with me about how she was there for herself and I could get my own singles. I let her know I wasn’t there to watch her serve drinks and bada bing bada boom, I was up the street at the Acropolis. Last night, I had an interesting experience with one waitress who tried to short me $5 in change. Always a nice way to start the evening. I still tipped her. Waitresses ALWAYS get a buck for bringing me a drink or making change…they work hard when they’re not trying to cheat me.

On to the show.

The girls at the Dolphin are always top-notch. And there’s always someone in there for everyone. The faces can stay the same for quite a while then suddenly change like that. Last night’s crew have been around for a while. I’m terrible with names, but resolved to remember one. Jewel. More on her in a sec. Normally I sit at one of the side tables and enjoy my Coors Light, until a girl piques my interest. Then I go down to the stage and get a closer look. Girls are on stage for two-songs then rotate. The first tune always gets a buck from me. The second, two. Unless I have a crush, then I’ve been known to put as much as $10 on the rail for some extra attention.

No crushes last night. There were, however, three girls who will be competing in the Miss Nude Oregon pageant in a few weeks. Girls had post cards scattered around the club advertising their candidacy. It was kind of cute. I can only remember two of their names though. I’m so terrible. Jewel was one of them. The other, Electra Blue. The third? Crap. It starts with an M. I can tell you that!

Anywho, Jewel was first up for my evening. She and I have a bit of a history going back a few years. She’s a hot brunette with an absolutely KILLER body. No tattoos. No piercings. Just perfect tits and a perfect ass. Probably 5′7″ or so. Maybe? Anyway, when she’d just started working there, I bought a couple of couch dances from her. Her style is kind of mechanical and almost painful. She tries to give these shoulder rubs, but they’re more like shoulder pokes. Like getting jabbed with the eraser end of ten pencils. Zero fun. Unfortunately for me, she never forgets a face. At least not mine. Anytime I come through the door, she immediately chats me up and asks for a couch dance. And I always decline. I’ve learned my lesson.

Second was Electra Blue. I’m guessing she’s under-21, because she spent most of her off-stage time peering out from the couches. If you’re not 21, you can’t be out on the main floor unless you’re walking to or from the stage or the dressing room. A few inches shorter than Jewell, she came out and performed to Fallout Boy and decided to do some interpretive dancing to the chorus.

Right. Between that and the angel wing tattoo on her back, she went from favorite to also-ran just like that.

Sidenote: A quick note on tattoos and piercings. Five or six years ago, you couldn’t go into a single strip club in town without seeing a girl all tatted up with piercings in her tongue and clit. The clit piercing in particular never did anything for me. I’ve never understood it. But it’s the tattoos that crack me up. There’s an entire generation of women who are now between 25 and 40 who have those ass-antler tattoos on their lower backs because in 2002 it was considered cool to have them. Guys dug them. But mens’ tastes have moved on to other things. So now these women have these permanent reminders of how they’ll do anything to get a man’s attention. Sort of sad. But sort of funny. And dumb. Whatever. I’m just glad to finally see the majority of dancers tattoo free. Now if we could just convince them to quit piercing their god damned nipples.

So despite her face and body, Electra Blue was out of the running.

Mmmmm…..was another looker. I can’t remember too much about her though. Brunette. Cute. And certainly put on a show. Damn. Now I have to go back. Or at least visit the competition on June 7.

Toward the end of the evening though, I figured out if I had a vote, I’d have to throw it for Jewel. As annoying as she can be (and she CAN be), and as terrible as that couch dance is, she’s still the hottest dancer in there. Maybe she’d let me pay her $20 to stand there naked for me. I guess I need to get a little more aggressive about that.

So there’s the Dolphin. My home away from home and the standard by which all others shall be judged. I’m not saying it’s the best, mind you, I’m just saying it’s where I feel most comfortable and where I feel I get the most bang for my buck.

Next up? The place my buddy goes to when he’s in town and just wants to grab a beer and look at titties. Good times.